The Power of The Story

Have you ever witnessed or heard another person sharing a deep insight or revealing a part of their past that was not so positive? AA is about experience, strength, and hope. The story becomes part of your strength. The reason our book includes many personal stories is that these stories help unlock deep memories within you or trigger a process to reveal something that needs to heal within you.

It is a way to give you permission to share your story with others without any shame or regret. The stories will trigger a question to help you observe and examine a part of your life that has been buried or hidden. That trauma has been keeping you from experiencing your full authentic self and now has a bit of an escape route into your conscious mind. Awareness is the first step into healing and releasing your past. Your past is not your fault; however, it is your responsibility to heal it as an adult.

The process of telling your story is your first step toward healing. That means sharing without being a victim or without falling into self-pity. Become the observer in the telling and feel all the feelings associated with it. If you breathe through this process and gently tap your body it will help process and release the negative emotions you have kept buried for so long.

And you will begin to notice a sense of freedom. It is worth the investigation and you have a story to tell.

Unleash Your Superpower

I think most of us have imagined what it would be like to have a superpower of our very own. I have been asked, “Which superpower would you choose if you could have one?” It is difficult to choose just one, but I wanted to choose one that would allow me to have the courage and deal with any situation or challenge I encountered. I first thought it might be super human intelligence, but deep down I also knew that was strangely limiting.

Manly P. Hall said, “Intelligence is an innate integrity abiding in the soul, and intellectualism is an education of the mind by external study and training.” Intelligence was not the only answer, both are important for our well-being and happiness.

And I have come to realize that tapping into the Divine Intelligence of the universe is the most exciting thing to me. And the extraordinary thing is that we are all capable of doing this. It is through the act of meditation that we open our third eye (pineal gland) in order to tap into the innate wisdom of the universe.

Most of us have a resistance to starting the practice for various reasons, but just start by sitting quietly for 5 minutes a day. Focus on your breath. Don’t try to quiet the mind, it will never be quiet. But the mind will naturally become less frenetic over time. It is in these quiet times that you will start hearing Divine inspiration seep into your thoughts. It is the quiet voice that speaks truth and wisdom and it will give your life direction and purpose. It will also unleash your unique gifts and abilities that you can share with the world. That is why it is your superpower and it will liberate you.

The Importance Of Tolerance And Empathy

Now more than ever we are being called upon to love one another and to treat others with dignity and respect. We have seen what divisiveness does to a country and our world. We ask each of you to reach deep inside of yourselves to come together and focus on the things we have in common. Focus on what you can do to make this world a better place.

When we start to see that all people, including ourselves, have been traumatized by life’s circumstances that have rendered us emotionally scarred, then we have touched upon true empathy and tolerance for every human being walking this earth. It is from this place that we can start the process of healing and coming together to create magnificent things in the world.

Accepting That You Are Powerless Is Empowering

That statement might seem contradictory or confusing but let me clarify. You must accept utter defeat before you can get any solution; acceptance is really the key. Einstein famously said that you cannot solve any problem with the same thinking you used when you created them.

The mind is so explosive and impulsive at the same time; the arrogance of the mind can take you into a path of darkness. We, addicts, try to control everything and every person with no real path to success. Even when we ask for help, we usually then interfere by being a bad actor and sabotaging any progress or good results.

The mind is teaming with illusions and delusions. These cannot be overcome using simply your will or force. The indicator is the unmanageability of your life. It will appear in every aspect of your life along with a healthy dose of rebellion and resistance. And these are the traits that got you in the position you are in now.

Being overwhelmed by the unmanageability or the deluge of failure, you have no more clever ideas or temporary solutions.

It is only when you adopt the idea that ‘I am powerless over people, places, and things’ that the omnipotent God can become present in your life, whether you call him God, Source, infinite Power, Light, or Divine Source.

It is only by surrendering and accepting that there is a power greater than yourself that real change can happen. When a man is drowning, he will pull you under. The drowning man must surrender fully in order to be saved.

When you surrender, you become sweetly reasonable. You accept the help and have no more of your solutions that have not worked for years and years. You become free from your own suggestions and instructions.

Your ideas, emotions, and attitudes have dominated you in the past but now you allow for a rearrangement of new ideas.

But the first step is to surrender and accept that you are powerless. and in this moment, you will start to hear the tiny whispers of truth and light that can enter into your awareness.

If You Don't Know What You Stand For, You Will Fall For Anything

Our minds are a lot more vulnerable to outside suggestions and influences than most people realize. We are susceptible to each and every person that we come into contact with, especially people in power or people that we admire. Our parental figures affect our values and beliefs. Our religious organizations heavily influence us; the schools also play a part as well as our peers, television, print advertising, and even cartoons. Television commercials are in fact a form of mind control often not rooted in facts but shown with the intention of playing on our emotions. The way our parents relate to each other is imprinted into our subconscious minds whether we ever think about it or not. You have probably caught yourself acting like your parents without even thinking about it first.

Do you know that most people never question why they believe in certain things or do things a certain way? The art of introspection has not been taught nor valued in most parts of society.

The best thing about the COVID- 19 Pandemic is that people have had time to reflect and assess their lives and decide just what is a priority for them. People are asking themselves, “Who am I and what is important in my life?”

The mind is so easy to corrupt if there are no principles acting as your guiding North Star. Principles are foundational truths that can never be corrupted. Like a house built on a sturdy foundation that holds you up and supports you. Honesty is honesty. It gives you a direction that produces a healthy outcome. Living from principles is the Divine reaction to life. Because if you don’t know what you stand for, you will fall for anything.

And most importantly, always learn to find your own authentic self buried beneath all the outside influences that are interfering with who you really are.

The Price We Pay When We Are Not Authentic

What does it mean to be self-centered or self-serving as AA describes the behaviors of an addict? The following is a snapshot inside the mind of an alcoholic.

“Me, Me, Me, Me, Me,” I am warming up because this song is about me. Everything is about me. In discussions I want to be the alpha male. I am always throwing my opinions around like nickels at a Las Vegas slot machine. I don’t want others to see who I really am, so I project out onto everyone else.

If it does not fit my agenda or isn’t what I think it should be, it must be wrong. Driving off my opinions only. The universe revolves around me. Everything is about me. If not, I wonder why. And I try to direct it back to me. All the time. It becomes a very boring conversation.

What is the origin of these obsessive thoughts? Insecurities. If they really knew who I was, they would not like me. I have to have a controlled environment. I have to be in charge…don’t do well with others and in sharing another’s ideas. I am the center of the universe operating from that idea.

These are the distortions of mental-emotional inadequacies. The neuroses of the mind can take over and there is a lack of social intelligence.

This is what happens when the trauma is not healed or addressed. The price to pay is heavy when you cannot be authentic, and you are driven by a hundred forms of fear and self-pity. This will lead to depression, anxiety, conflicts, anger, self-pity, and resentment. And unfortunately, you are probably looking for that next thrill or escape. from yourself.

The Monster Gets Bigger

One day my sponsor asked me the most profound question. He asked, “Chris, why do you always have to feel good?”

It stunned me, and I did not have an answer. I finally came to the realization that I was always chasing the next good feeling, no matter if it was good for me or not. I realized I was never comfortable in my body and I also felt trapped in this physical world. I never knew how I really felt. I told myself I was a nonconformant and it was OK to do whatever I wanted to do. Drugs and alcohol were my vehicles of escape to feel good.

How do we create stories to make life bearable? What is real, what is an illusion?  But we must sacrifice truth in the process. When we support the illusion, we keep propping it up.

The danger of always wanting to feel good, the danger of telling ourselves these positive lies, is that the monster always gets bigger.

Eventually, the illusion will crumble because the truth will always come out. The feelings were the monster and the feelings were the antidote!

The question has stayed with me as a point of observation and an overall feeling. The Grand illusion was gone, and I was free. Even in not feeling good, I am OK!

The Clever Mind vs Wisdom

For the majority of us, we gain wisdom from our experiences throughout our lives. Wisdom is very different than intelligence. Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment, all rolled into one. And then being able to apply it. Most of us have met people who are extremely smart but somehow have not been able to learn from their experiences.

Intelligence without wisdom can be very destructive to a person. This is when the clever mind emerges and you are not open to hearing or learning from others, even when they are trying to help you. “You can’t tell me what to do!” becomes a regular mantra, or, “I already know that!” Humility has no place to call home in this state of consciousness. The ego and arrogance has started to run amok and the seeds of wisdom cannot start growing.

This is why the mind of the addict becomes their worst enemy and they seem to always repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Different day, same thing, over and over again.

The mind of the addict will convince himself/herself that this time it will be different, that they will be able to (fill in the blank) even though they have repeated the same pattern trying to get different results day after day. Some insidious, insane logic now takes over and becomes their new narrative.

To justify this insane logic, you stop listening to reason and come up with some distorted, irrational idea that is not rooted in truth or logic. Here is what that might look like.

I was sitting up in a tree with a pair of binoculars and a walkie talkie watching the crack house with the idea that I was going to be compensated at the end of the night. But if I had not been smoking crack that night I would not have been in the tree! I would have gone to work and made my money. But I did not want to wait for my money. That was my great idea at the time. Did I get any money? NO. Not from the crack house and not from my job.

If the evidence is contrary to the condition, there is a problem. That is why they use evidence in any court case to dispel the doubt. Look to the evidence to find the truth of the situation.

Straight Laced - No Additives

I never knew what real living was like, always filled with the messages arising from my childhood traumas. Always feeling less than, poor me, that won’t work, I can’t do it, life is miserable, and on and on.

So, as I sit here and reflect on this 20-year journey several thoughts come to mind.  I never knew how sweet life could be as I stood on the corner over 20 years ago entertaining the possibility of being locked up again. I went to the first thought of, ‘How could I kill myself?’ because I was headed for the penitentiary all for a dime rock.

Reasoning with my mind that I had not done anything purposeful or meaningful in my life.

This is it.

Only to be invaded with the other thought, ‘You won’t see one day in the penitentiary.’ I could not figure the logic in what I now know as a pure spiritual message. Even though that message was so clear, definitive and direct I could not imagine that it would come true.

I went to the Lennox station waiting to be transferred to Men’s Central. I put in for an OR and they gave it to me! I had never gotten an OR before, could there finally be some good luck for me?

I wish I could say that I stopped making stupid decisions right then and there. But I did not.

However, a judge believed in me and ordered me to a recovery house.

I did not know much about addiction at that point, but accepting that you are an addict is a life saver. The addiction was going to become the vehicle to straighten out my life.

I started on my journey toward self-acceptance on September 22, 2000. Straight Laced No Additives: I stopped living my life from my shadow side, while accepting all parts of me, no excuses, no trying to make myself look better to others. Through that total acceptance I started healing and transforming my life, bit by bit. One day at a time.

Being At War With Yourself

I was observing someone being ‘victimized’ by rules and life the other day. This individual is always at odds with anyone who tells them that they have to do “this” or “that”. It could be as simple as the tray goes over there, or it’s time to do something.  When you look deeper at the individual, the reason for this resistance is some of the following beliefs and attitudes:

·      I have to always fight with others to prove that no one really likes me.

·      I have to show that I am always the victim.

·      If I create enough chaos around me, others won’t see my dark side.

·      I need attention and sympathy in order to feel good about myself.

·      I need to prove that I am right.

·      I have to always be in control of situations and people.

But the only real battle going on is within the individual. They are at war with themselves. It is impossible to have a peaceful and joyful life if you have turmoil within. That turmoil and chaos will reflect outward and it will seem that everyone else is to blame or that the world is against you.

What do you need to be right about in your life? Why is it important? How do you feel if you are not right?

Do you have to do things that make you feel right all the time? Even if those things are detrimental to yourself?

What do you need to be right about? How is that running your life? Has it become a habit that is not working for you anymore?

We must always find the peace within before we are able to see it reflected back to us. Know that the universe supports you and you are safe. Everything is in Divine Order.

Restless, Irritable, and Discontented

A fellow came up to me today and asked me, “Chris, why can’t I stay sober?” Because I have known him for years, my answer to him was, “You have never been sober!” Silence.  I asked, “When is the last time you had a drink or used?”  Two days ago.

I went on, “The best you can hope for right now is to practice abstinence.”

He looked at me somewhat dumbfounded as I continued to explain that he needed to have a sound mind in order to maintain abstinence. Addiction is not about the substance, it is a disease of the mind. This is where the faulty thinking takes place; the obsessive thoughts centered around drinking or using. Your thinking gets you into a twisted relationship with whatever the favored thing is. And that leads to the compulsive behaviors. No matter what is going on in your life, you are never grateful and satisfied. This is what it means to be restless, irritable, and discontented.

Do a check in with your ideas, emotions and attitudes every day. Are you centered, balanced, or grounded in your approach to life? Are you content in your quiet moments? Have you made the decision to be abstinent from whatever your impulses are directing you to do?

The Truth Will Set You Free

An addict always feels less than. This feeling creates the limited belief that you are not good enough and also internal chaos to try and cover up this “fact”. How do you cover up these feelings so that others do not find out the truth? Maybe through lying about who you really are. “If they knew me, they would not like me.” Presenting yourself as someone you wish you were? Always trying to control outside situations and people? Creating a smokescreen to hide the truth of who you are? Compartmentalizing your past, your life, and your friends? With addiction, it is never about the substance, but always about your obsessive-compulsive thoughts and behaviors. The end result is that you can never be authentic with yourself or others. This is also how you become fractured with the relationship to yourself. The only way out is to go within. To go within you must observe your thoughts without condemnation. Judgment only causes you to totally disconnect and creates cognitive dissonance. Therefore, you must be able to practice rigorous honesty without reservation. What gets in the way? Denial. “I can’t be this bad because I am such a good person.”  

The Journey Within

Everything outside of ourselves has the potential to become addicting, from social media to alcohol, food, gambling, sex, drugs, and television. The only way out is to go within, to journey the dark halls of your mind in order to heal your inner wounds. Every time you endured a wound, it caused a perversion in your beliefs, emotions, and attitudes. Today, some of your best ideas keep you locked up and in bondage to yourself.

Do you want to try some new techniques to break through those stubborn patterns and habits? In a safe, supportive environment you will learn ways to break free of your habits and negative thought patterns. You will learn to release trauma from your past that might still haunt you. You will find what keeps you trapped in an endless cycle of suffering. You will experience going through the darkness only to emerge more fully alive and authentic. And finally, you will examine all of the indicators and evidence that you are living authentically.

What is the Dynamic of Recovery?

The Journey Within is meant to awaken the inner being that is asleep or that is covered in darkness. Then you become aware of the powers and possibilities of the authentic self so that you are no longer the little personality with a limited life. It will help you realize you have a direct connection to Divine Source by taking you beyond all mental ideas and beliefs which are only half-truths. Through questioning, it will transform the ignorant mind into an openness, where Divine Thought can now reside.

One of the most powerful things you can do is meditate and focus inward, breathe, remain present. Don’t seek to change, seek to allow. Notice what you see, feel, sense, and then identify feelings associated with it. Simply be present with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If you have difficulty with your negative thoughts or feelings, remember when you felt safe, and loved, and bring that sensation into the hurtful situation.

Your reactions will tell you how your mind is made up, because Divine Truth has no reaction. The mind reacts according to its conditioning and much of it is unconscious. To know thyself, become the observer, impersonally looking at the things you talk about, things you believe, and your attitudes. Observe without condemning, without fear, in order to free yourself from them. Through this process you will discover yourself, you will see how you have been conditioned through fear, judgment, and resistance. 

To fully know your thoughts and how they arise and to understand your bondage is the beginning of wisdom. If you do not know yourself, meditation has no meaning. You are conditioned by prejudices, beliefs, and what others tell you. Until you start to assert your creative faculty of discerning that which is not true, you will have distorted thinking and a distorted realty. You can never see the Divine Truth while living in the false.

First you must see what makes you believe in anything, then you will see what makes you antagonistic to another belief, idea, or person. If you start out conditioned by your own opinions, then you will see only through that conditioning. If you are filled with ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, you are merely projecting your own conditioning. It is important to understand that the mind is made dull through judging, blaming, avoidance, and even through acceptance and resistance. When you are freed from all conditioning in your relationship to self, there you will find freedom and peace and love. 

As long as the mind is in conflict by blaming, resisting, condemning, there can be no understanding and no relationship with one another, let alone yourself. You are first at war with yourself! Your ideas, attitudes and emotions keep you locked up and in bondage to yourself. Your fears are made up in your mind and what is made up in the mind is not truth. It is only your mind that changes from one idea to another. When you start to realize that not everything you think and believe is true, your mind will start to free itself. In that freedom you will begin to become authentic.

No one can do this for you. You have to find it out alone by going within. The truth of another can never be your truth. You must experience the truth by yourself. The experience becomes the teacher. And that is how you will connect to a power beyond the mind, something more powerful than you can ever imagine. When you learn how to connect to the Divine, you will be vibrating at a high level, you will then bring in similar high level opportunities for your future experience. The inner work will liberate you from the imprisoned smallness and sufferings of the personality and mind.

Be Your Own Hero

The hero of a film is not perfect. He has what the film industry calls, a fatal flaw. If he were perfect in the story, the film would become ponderous and boring to watch. There would be no point to the story. We are all like the hero in the film. We all have flaws.

The hero, in fact, comes from a place of being wounded.  So how then does he or she come to a heroic place from that?  They have the courage to face their past wounds.

Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz, didn’t appreciate or value the people in her life before the tornado hit her home.  She wasn’t even aware of her lack of appreciation.  Then her journey with her friends to the land of Oz activates the courage to appreciate and not feel a victim.  Toward the end of the story she utters the famous line, “There’s no place like home.” 

Where or what is YOUR home?  What do you appreciate about your home?