Yesterday I was assigned the task of doing a wellness check on one of our choir members from The Urban Voices Project who had not checked in for a few weeks. I felt an apprehension and anxiety because the last time I did a wellness check, it ended badly. Three years ago, I found my good friend Brian, deceased from a heroin overdose.

I felt a flood of emotions unleash in me again. Brian struggled with always wanting to feel “normal.” But his idea of what normal was, was distorted. He stopped doing all the things that were healthy for him. I saw the signs, but I could not do anything about it. I felt helpless for months as I saw him spiral out of control.

The truth was I had a resentment that he had died, that he went back to shooting up. How dare he? I connected the dots yesterday and said a prayer to release myself from this bondage and to release Brian from any condemnation.

Our resentments are often buried so deep within, and it takes an intense and honest examination to uncover them. There has to be a moment of truth that emerges in order to release any negativity that does not serve you. Many times, the truth is buried so deep because we get caught up in all the negative emotions. We can get stuck in all the muck of negative feelings. When I took a moment and a breath, I could investigate my reactions.

I found I had suppressed a wave of anger I had toward my good friend Brian. Life showed me that I was his brother, and I will always cherish our relationship. It was time to release that resentment and feel the love in my heart toward my brother in spirit.